i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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