Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Pants are for mortals
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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