I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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