guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
