Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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