Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
