I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
