just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
