so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
