That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
