dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
