The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
