Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he thought i was a dude.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Boobs are out for the taking
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
