dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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