I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
