please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
