I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
