I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if only i could text you this smell
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
