Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
