Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
