Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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