i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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