I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
