we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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