Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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