well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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