I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh god it's open bar.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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