thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
