I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
