Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
