i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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