carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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