He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
