Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When are your genitals available?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
