No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
