She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
