i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
