i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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