Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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