Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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