i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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