Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
