i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.