I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella