Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.