I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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