We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
