the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
