I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
