her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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