If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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