My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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