i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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