How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
