I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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