Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
