Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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