I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
