dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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