I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
