Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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