probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
