Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
