I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
