maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And then my night got REAL pukey
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
