I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
