In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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