I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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