Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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