I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
how does that bad decision feel?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
