It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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