I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
