Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Please, let me fuck your mom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
